Old fashioned manners are so important in today’s world. Social norms are changing but I refuse to allow these values to fall by the wayside. When a boy shows genuine care; whether it be to a peer, an adult, or a friend, he immediately gains respect. Boys and men in general thrive on respect and often it helps increase self-confidence.
When my 5-year-old addresses an adult, holds a door open, or even says “nice to meet you” people often look at me in shock.
My oldest son is wired a little differently and we have really put a focus on being kind, showing consideration, finding eye contact, and expressing meaningful feelings in appropriate situations.
With the examples below, I know our hard work is paying off.
My 5-year old:
- Held the door in the elevator for me and said “after you mom.”
- When we dropped his brother off at Sunday school and his brother started crying: He looked at the teacher and said “please take good care of him” and then proceeded to give his brother a hug.
- At the playground when he met a little girl his age he said, “it is lovely to meet you” (insert heart melting).
My 3-year old:
- When someone visits our house, he insists on walking them out and says “Thank you for coming and drive safe.”
Now, I am not going to lie and tell you our days are perfect, we are meltdown free, or that everyone is polite, but as a whole we try to model good manners.
OLD FASHION MANNERS AND VALUES
1. The golden rule, in preschool terms: Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
- My boys know that if they want to be included in fun activities or if they want others to share with them then they have to treat others with kindness. I ask my boys how they would feel if the situation was reversed. This idea seems to resonate because young kids often only think of what is relevant in their world.
- Additionally, under this rule, I lump apologizing. A good strong, “I’M SORRY.” This is vital in recognizing when you have made a mistake. Being kind and truly sincere will go a long way in building friendships and developing relationships as the boys mature.
2. Practice selflessness.
- For our family, this means showing consideration for others; i.e. holding the door open for someone, helping with the groceries, getting a bottle or an empty water cup from the car, helping your brother pick up his toys, or sharing a piece of your favorite candy.
- Before bed each night my two boys have to tell each brother something nice; i.e. thank you for being my friend, thank you for playing garbage trucks with me today, etc. My boys are used to this routine and babysitters have now commented on how sweet this nightly routine has become.
3. Practice self-control.
- This is a hard one for all young kids but also because of society’s culture today being one of immediate gratification. We practice self-control by trying not to interrupt and practicing patience.
It is so hard for the boys to wait their turn to speak, especially when they want something. If they want to interrupt, they know they need to say “excuse me.” Often “excuse me” is said very loudly and repeated many times, but I consider that a victory!
- We also practice self-control in thinking before we act and then discussing the consequences. Self-control at the dinner table or when dining out is great place to practice.
- When my boys get frustrated and don’t get their way, we say “let’s take a step back and ask for help!” Often stepping back and taking that deep breathe makes the situation so much better.
4. Greeting someone and showing eye contact.
- My boys often get so preoccupied in what they are doing, playing, or watching that they forget this simple task. When a person looks at you, it subtly and indirectly shows the other person respect. As boys mature, finding eye contact is proven to show confidence and strength. We work on this every time we meet someone.
5. Saying “please”, “thank you”, “nice to meet you”, and “excuse me.”
- You would be surprised how infrequently these phrases are used by kids today. Whether it is thanking our nanny, thanking grandparents, teachers, or even one of their brothers, these words should be everyday verbiage. We TRY with a capital “T” to say “please may I have” or “please can you help me” instead of just demanding what we are asking for. Kids mimic and model their parents so always be cognizant of your actions. When these terms are used it instantly conveys respect and appreciation. Another solid trait for success!
Hears to teaching young boys good manners so they become respected men! Don’t be fooled, we are far from perfect but the Knight boys sure do practice these values a lot!