Something I struggle with on a daily basis is asking myself whether something is important or not. I have found that if I ask this question, my days run smoother and my mental health is automatically improved.
No one can deny that parenting can be tough. It becomes even harder when it is cluttered with unimportant tasks, when you allow judgmental people to affect your mood, and of the course the nonsensical pressure we put upon ourselves to be super-woman.
For moms in the infant and toddler years, it can be difficult to not become overwhelmed with excessive worry and anxiety. There is not a mother out there that does not feel this stress. We all want to give our children the best and worry we are not good enough at times. It is human nature to compare but it is so vital we hold onto our self-confidence and not fall victim to unimportant things when our days get tough.
The pressure we put on ourselves is really quite crazy. I’m also guilty of trying to do it all. I want to be a good mom, a good wife, and a good friend, all while maintaining a work-life balance. After taking a step back, I have come to believe that when I ask myself one simple question my attitude changes and my days run smoother: Is this really that important?
One day, after feeling particularly judged by someone close to me on my actions as a mother, I asked myself that simple question and found the answer to be an emphatic NO. I further questioned why had I let it upset me? Again, the answer was that it was not important to my overall happiness or my family. Solid answers lead to solid conclusions and sometimes we just need a little reminder. You can’t change people and what they think, but you can change how they make you feel.
No one can walk in someone else’s shoes or know what they are going through on a daily basis. My advice is to eliminate the negative and extra unimportant stuff. Once you try it, your life and self-confidence will be drastically improved. I can say with certainty, that it has worked for me!
PRIORITIZE AND SET LIMITS:
When you prioritize and put reasonable expectations on yourself you help maintain your self-esteem. If something does not have lasting significance then it is likely unimportant.
LET IT GO
Like the song suggests in the Disney movie “Frozen”, let it go! If someone makes you feel small, someone passes judgment, someone doesn’t follow through with their responsibilities, someone runs late, someone cuts you off in traffic; make the choice to: let it go! Whatever the situation was that made you mad, if it is not going to be important next week then it is not worth your time. Let it go!
There are things in life we can control and things we can’t so focus on things that are important!
WORK- LIFE BALANCE/TO DO LISTS
Yes, work is important but so is finding balance. Your kids will remember you working no doubt. It is my hope that through my hard work, I am teaching my boys that nothing is free and hard work pays off. It is important for me to teach them to have a drive. To show them that although we work hard, we also get extra special experiences because we are afforded extra special opportunities.
When I am not working my focus is on the kids. My boys know that I am there for them 100% and they are my priority in every situation. I put my cell phone down and focus on them. Social media, emails, texts can wait. If someone needs to speak to me, they can call me and my phone will ring (just like it did in the old days 😊)
My hope is that they remember all the important things, i.e. the silly times, the dance parties in the kitchen, playing squeezy claw in the yard, and the effort I make to put them first. I’ve learned it is the little moments that turn into memories!
If there is something or someone that makes you second guess your family decisions or your own work-life balance or places any form of judgment on your family, then my advice is to separate from those ideas and do what you think is best for your family.
ACTIVITIES/SOCIAL EVENTS
It is easy to get persuaded to say YES to every activity and every social event you get invited too. We as a family had to learn to say NO. When we said NO, we found ourselves spending more time with each other. I put a limit on the activities my kids are involved in after school and I know as they get older this rule will remain.
As for my husband and me, we also have learned to say no to things. We do not have a ton of free time, so we have learned to choose the things we want to do and that benefit our relationship.
PEOPLE:
Bottom line, only a few people actually care about you and love you.
Most people are concerned about themselves. They often pass judgment because of their own insecurities. Trust your heart, surround yourself with those who respect you, encourage you, and most importantly accept you! Don’t be afraid to say no to people, parties, social gatherings, mom groups, or other things that don’t help improve your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. You do not need to be everything to everyone, just be everything to those who are the most important.
Remember to ask yourself the question … I promise you will start seeing clearly the things that are truly important.