Every morning at 6 a.m., I go upstairs and wake up my 6-year-old. I rub his back and we snuggle up close. Given his sensory needs, I massage his head, his legs, and his feet to help him wake up and feel more grounded.
Every morning my little guy opens his eyes and presses his body into mine. He often stretches curling into a ball on my lap or tries to get as close to me as he possibly can. This calm snuggle time is his way of showing me how comforting I am to him. It is a small glimpse into his heart, his mind, his genuine love of life and all the things the day has in store. It is one of my favorite parts of the day.
On February 6th, something different happened in our morning routine. I believe in my heart it was a sign from God, a sign telling me not to worry, let some of my anxiety go. Trusting God requires you to be okay if you don’t get the outcome you expected. It means trusting He’s got it figured out especially when we do not!
I walked into my little guys’ room, we snuggled, started our routine but right in the middle he paused:
He looked me straight in the eyes and said: “Mommy, I have something you deserve!” Instantly, he purposely wrapped his arms around me and kissed me- a big fat wet kiss right on my lips. He smiled from ear to ear- so proud of his decision.
He then said, “Does that make your heart happy?” I said, “You make me the happiest mommy that ever could be.” You are my whole heart! (I tell him this every night before bed too)
He then paused for a second and asked “Am I what you were expecting?” I said, “I prayed for a kind, smart, healthy, funny, silly, and very handsome boy and that is exactly what I got. I am so lucky!” He then looked at me and said, “But Momma you weren’t expecting someone who walked around in circles and wiggled all the time right?” I paused, I smiled, and said: “No, you’re right, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!” He laughed and said, “I am glad I surprised you!”
He then headed to the bathroom and we continued our morning routine like the conversation hadn’t happened.
Mama friends, especially momma friends of special needs kids, we are the lucky ones!!!!
His comments resonated with me all day as I replayed the conversation in my head. This was a conversation I never thought I would have, this was a conversation that will stay with me forever, and this was a conversation that was so real and so truthful. It was a window into both of our hearts.
While my little guy is different, developmentally delayed socially and physically, absent-minded, easily distracted, unfocused and often been described by others as quirky or interesting- he is far more than that. Yes, he has a brilliant mind but he is truly teaching me every day how to be a better person. He is mature beyond most in his cognition and his insight into life itself.
Most of all though, he is not what I expected, but he has already exceeded my expectations.
It is not easy being a parent of a child who is different, who is not “neurotypical” but today instead of feeling directionless or sad, I felt proud.
.
I’m proud that he believes in himself, he has confidence in himself, he’s giving and receiving love but more importantly, I am most proud that he is doing HIM!
Parenting a differently wired kid is by far a journey, one I could have never planned, BUT I sure do love my tour guide!!!